~

6 decembrie 2013


" Dear A,

The Weeknd - Wanderlust

The Neighbourhood - Alleyways

The Neighbourhood - Afraid

Kavinsky - Odd Look ft. The Weeknd

I haven’t wrote to you in a really long time.

Last week I was on your blog. I got bored, and scrolled down. 

I wasn’t expecting you to write about me. It was nice of you, to talk about me. To be honest I never expected you to even remember my name; I thought I was dead for you, burried in a box of memories. 

It’s funny and sad at the same time, how we got in the same highschool, see around school, and never talk one to each other. So many memories cross my mind when I see you. So many things happend to both of us. Sometimes I lay in my bed and think of you. I have sleeping and concentration issues, for some time. I remember you and I wonder what happend in your life. I can see that it had it ups and down, and I don’t know if right now it is an up or a down, but I can’t really do anything about it. I don’t have enough courage to come and talk with you. I just don’t. Sorry…

And yeah it is true. For your birthday I wrote a really nice thing that I planned to send to you, but I gave up. I just didn’t knew how you would react to it. I was scared. Such a coward. I am such a big coward and I know that. I got used to it. 

I know you changed a lot, like most of us, but I hope that in essence you are still the same person I considered my best friend, almost 3 years ago.

Good night, 

your friend A.

PS: I hope you got to read the thing I wrote about you. It’s tagged with “mine”, and it’s a photo. "

I didn't forget you, not even now, and I know for sure that I will never forget you. I shouldn't have lost you, just like I shouldn't have lost so many good friends because I paid too much attention to the one I shouldn't have paid attention to. I'm sorry I drifted away from you and drifted away from others. The sad part is that while I can fix everything with them, I can't fix things with you. It has been so much time... Another two years have gone by since you wrote that post and I'm sure we have changed and made other friends and have totally different lifes than we had even two years ago- considering the fact that we haven't actually talked for almost 5 years now, I guess? People, and also us, were still talking on messenger back then, wtf :)). And yeah, I'm still kind of crazy and bipolar and depressive when I shouldn't be; and I'm still a perfectionist and I still want people to understand me although I never explain; so I still have those kind-of-flaws, which I also had back then, in case you were wondering. 

You are and will always be one of those people that I will always feel sad about, for not having them in my life anymore. And yeah, there were silly and stupid reasons that I don't even remember exactly and I know we were both stubborn and couldn't see where each one of us was wrong and just talk it through and that cost us our friendship. It was even more awkward seeing you and not being able to talk to you as much as I wanted to but you know, she was there and I didn't want her to get mad, 'cause you know how she was when we were friends. 

I know we had a special connection and it will stay with me forever and I know that one day I won't be a coward either ( I am, too ) and I will have the courage to talk to you again. 

On the other hand, I know that because I got over losing you, in time, I can get over losing other friends. I have never talked much about you with anyone 'cause it made me very sad and after that I just tried to be ok. And I was. Eventually. And I know I will be again now, after I have finally separated myself from people who were never as true to me as you were. And I miss you sometimes and I'm so curious to get to know the person you have become or if you still like to draw or what's your music taste now- 'cause it was amazing back then. 

I will never forget you, I couldn't. Don't you remember that those were always my problems- that I hold on to things too much, I don't give up when I should and I also never forget anything? I grew up with you and that will stay with me forever.